Only one of them knows of my past, or at least that is my understanding, and although it's nice to think I blend into society undetected, I always assume that anyone who looks at me notices my past. I always feel like everyone is staring when I walk into a bar and I'm really conscious that I don't smile much when I should be enjoying great company. I feel like a timid dog, with its tail between its legs.
Combining that with the fact that we all stand out for being at least fifteen years older than the majority of the bars clientele, makes for a situation I feel very uncomfortable in.
This brings me back to the FFS debate. I do think that FFS would boost my self confidence tremendously, and maybe from there I would feel comfortable enough in my own skin to smile, laugh and enjoy these situations better. It is sometimes difficult for those around me to understand why I think I need FFS, but I hope that goes someway to explain a little better.
Anyway, as it was Halloween, we all decided to do fancy dress. In hindsight, my costume possibly made me stand out more than most... Should have been a zombie!
