Sunday, 2 November 2014

Weekend in Aberystwyth

We've just got back from a trip to see Sam's cousin who is studying at Aberystwyth University. A group of us travelled down on the train, which was a great laugh. Everyone in the group is related to Sam and I get on really well with them all. I have a lot of time for them and they have welcomed me into their family.
Only one of them knows of my past, or at least that is my understanding, and although it's nice to think I blend into society undetected, I always assume that anyone who looks at me notices my past. I always feel like everyone is staring when I walk into a bar and I'm really conscious that I don't smile much when I should be enjoying great company. I feel like a timid dog, with its tail between its legs.
Combining that with the fact that we all stand out for being at least fifteen years older than the majority of the bars clientele, makes for a situation I feel very uncomfortable in.
This brings me back to the FFS debate. I do think that FFS would boost my self confidence tremendously, and maybe from there I would feel comfortable enough in my own skin to smile, laugh and enjoy these situations better. It is sometimes difficult for those around me to understand why I think I need FFS, but I hope that goes someway to explain a little better.
Anyway, as it was Halloween, we all decided to do fancy dress. In hindsight, my costume possibly made me stand out more than most... Should have been a zombie!

Thursday, 30 October 2014

I'm back after 5 years!

Hello everyone! I have decided to restart my blog after being away from it for over five years. Life has been pretty busy and for the most part I have been far happier than in my previous life. There was never any doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing as far as SRS was concerned, and the last five years have confirmed that it was the right decision for me.
Just a couple of months after returning from Thailand, I was keen to get back out on the dating scene and soon found myself in a relationship with a girl called Heidi. Everything started off great, even after her being told about my past, but over an 18 month period I became aware that she was overly possessive and jealous of my friends. She even went to the extreme of contacting people from my previous life, for what reason I will never know! I was so blind to this and should never have put up with all the bullshit she gave me, and I certainly regret having lost some great friends! Love is blind they say?
I made the decision to finish things with Heidi. We had been living together for just over a year and I did find it hard to let go. Possibly because she was my first girlfriend post SRS.
After Heidi, there was a short relationship with Sarah. She was a good friend of Fiona's and a really lovely genuine person too. Sadly, we only lasted a couple of months mainly because I just wasn't over Heidi. As a result, I have lost my best friend who I miss loads! The moral being... Don't sleep with your best friends mate.
The next year I spent 'making friends', as I'd recently moved to a new town. Visiting the local gay bar and being 'fresh meat' was a great experience that I probably needed, even if just to build my confidence. My confidence quickly improved to the point that I had gotten myself a little reputation, which in turn got me a job DJing at the gay bar.
This is how I met my current FiancĂ©, Sam. Everyone fancies the DJ right? Sam approached me while I was working and we got chatting and instantly hit it off. We met up for a drink a few days later and since then we've had a fab time together. It has now been nearly four years since we met and I couldn't imaging life without her. There's never a dull moment and we always find an occasion to have fun! We've recently moved to a lovely little place in the country, which is so peaceful and quiet.
Life is good!
Anyway, the main reason for starting my blog back up is because I have, for a long time, been contemplating FFS and that I'll want to document that, or at least share my thoughts on the matter. I have a consultation booked with Dr Bart Van de Ven for mid November for which I am both excited and nervous about. I have also been looking at Facial Team and will be booking a consultation with them too. I think it's a good idea to see several surgeons, as they will all have slightly different ideas or techniques etc. and Facial Team do seem to have a very good reputation in the trans community.